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Here's to you, Mrs. Funderburk...
Aug. 14th, 2007 08:43 pmMrs. Funderburk was my tenth grade world history teacher. She was average height, average weight, brown hair and brown eyes. What set her apart from other teachers was her lizard-like appearance and mannerisms and her mocking, sarcastic demeanor towards her students. She went to the tanning bed often, resulting in scaly, thick, Komodo-dragon-like skin. To make matters worse, she had the habit of sticking her tongue out and flicking it back in again, much like a lizard.
Mrs. Funderburk and I had our run-ins during my semester as her student. When my grandfather died in February that year and I was absent for three days, I came back to her beady little accusing eyes and her sarcastic tone of "And where were you, Elizabeth? On vacation?" When I explained that no, my grandfather had just died and here's my excuse note, she still looked at me as if I was lying, but at least she allowed me to make up the work I had missed.
A few weeks later, she marked one of my questions wrong on a test regarding the continents of the world (the question was something like "Which product is found on all continents?" and the answer she marked as correct was invalid since the product wasn't found on Antarctica). She argued with me about whether Antarctica is a country or a continent and then decided that the question clearly meant to ignore Antarctica and just focus on the remaining six continents. It wasn't until I stayed late one day and pointed to factual resources (like our textbook) that mentioned Antarctica as a continent and I debated the definition of "all" with her when she decided to concede and throw out the answer so I could get an A+ on the test.
After that, I wasn't her biggest fan, and she wasn't mine, either. I made it a point to correct her when she was wrong in class (snotty, I know), and she made it a point to call on me to answer questions when it was obvious I hadn't read the material. We had a hate-hate relationship.
Later that semester, she accused me of stealing her classroom doorknob. I had fifth period with her, so we had 25 minutes of class, lunch, then another 25 minutes of class. My class was notorious for not coming back from lunch on time and wasting her precious teaching time. After we all came back five minutes late from lunch one day, she told us that from now on she would be locking the door after the end-of-lunch bell rang and anyone not inside by that point would get a detention. The next day, we all came back from lunch to find her staring at her door where the doorknob had been. During lunch, someone had stolen the doorknob so she couldn't lock us out. It was an amazing feat considering that there were no screws on the outside of the door, so someone had to break into the classroom, then jam off the knob from the inside. She outright accused me of stealing it, but because she had no proof that it was me and couldn't assign me detention, was even nastier to me than before for the rest of the semester. I wish I could take credit for the doorknob incident, but it wasn't me. I still have no idea who did it.
After that semester, she and I went our separate ways. I avoided her in school and after I graduated, I figured I would never see her again. She retired from Brookwood after the 2004-2005 school year.
What became of dear Mrs. Funderburk after she left the school system?
She became a prostitute.
But not a very good one. She was caught by the police and charged with prostitution and impersonating a police officer. According to Mark Johnson via facebook, Mrs. Funderburk was arrested near Gwinnett Place Mall and charged with prostitution and impersonating a police officer.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
watchmebe's and my's best guess is that a cop pulled up and started to charge her with prostitution and she tried to get out of it by saying "No, wait, I'm a cop. I'm one of you!" I have yet to confirm the validity of this hypothesis or the actual charges, but her mug shot pretty much speaks for itself:
Well done, Mrs. Funderburk. Well done.
ETA: Here's the Facebook entry that I got the information from.
Mrs. Funderburk and I had our run-ins during my semester as her student. When my grandfather died in February that year and I was absent for three days, I came back to her beady little accusing eyes and her sarcastic tone of "And where were you, Elizabeth? On vacation?" When I explained that no, my grandfather had just died and here's my excuse note, she still looked at me as if I was lying, but at least she allowed me to make up the work I had missed.
A few weeks later, she marked one of my questions wrong on a test regarding the continents of the world (the question was something like "Which product is found on all continents?" and the answer she marked as correct was invalid since the product wasn't found on Antarctica). She argued with me about whether Antarctica is a country or a continent and then decided that the question clearly meant to ignore Antarctica and just focus on the remaining six continents. It wasn't until I stayed late one day and pointed to factual resources (like our textbook) that mentioned Antarctica as a continent and I debated the definition of "all" with her when she decided to concede and throw out the answer so I could get an A+ on the test.
After that, I wasn't her biggest fan, and she wasn't mine, either. I made it a point to correct her when she was wrong in class (snotty, I know), and she made it a point to call on me to answer questions when it was obvious I hadn't read the material. We had a hate-hate relationship.
Later that semester, she accused me of stealing her classroom doorknob. I had fifth period with her, so we had 25 minutes of class, lunch, then another 25 minutes of class. My class was notorious for not coming back from lunch on time and wasting her precious teaching time. After we all came back five minutes late from lunch one day, she told us that from now on she would be locking the door after the end-of-lunch bell rang and anyone not inside by that point would get a detention. The next day, we all came back from lunch to find her staring at her door where the doorknob had been. During lunch, someone had stolen the doorknob so she couldn't lock us out. It was an amazing feat considering that there were no screws on the outside of the door, so someone had to break into the classroom, then jam off the knob from the inside. She outright accused me of stealing it, but because she had no proof that it was me and couldn't assign me detention, was even nastier to me than before for the rest of the semester. I wish I could take credit for the doorknob incident, but it wasn't me. I still have no idea who did it.
After that semester, she and I went our separate ways. I avoided her in school and after I graduated, I figured I would never see her again. She retired from Brookwood after the 2004-2005 school year.
What became of dear Mrs. Funderburk after she left the school system?
She became a prostitute.
But not a very good one. She was caught by the police and charged with prostitution and impersonating a police officer. According to Mark Johnson via facebook, Mrs. Funderburk was arrested near Gwinnett Place Mall and charged with prostitution and impersonating a police officer.
watchmebe's and my's best guess is that a cop pulled up and started to charge her with prostitution and she tried to get out of it by saying "No, wait, I'm a cop. I'm one of you!" I have yet to confirm the validity of this hypothesis or the actual charges, but her mug shot pretty much speaks for itself:ETA: Here's the Facebook entry that I got the information from.
