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This just a short snippet of some of the wildlife phone calls I've had recently. My thoughts are in Italics.

Woman: Hi, I have a mother raccoon and four babies that are in my yard.
Me: ...*Waiting to hear the problem*
Woman: I need them removed from my yard.
Me: Why?
Woman: I don't want them to live there.
Me: Well, raccoons are wild animals and as such, they live in nature. Your backyard is part of nature.
Woman: I know that's your belief because you take care of them, but I really do not want them in my yard.
Me: ...

------------

My phone rings this morning and the number pops up as "Crazy Lady Who Wants to Interview Me." This was the woman who called me back in April and wanted to come out that weekend and inspect my facilities before she handed over the raccoon that she rescued. She never called back. I left 6 messages for her over the next two weeks, but none were returned.

Crazy Lady: Hi, I need to place a raccoon. Do you still do that?
Me: Yes.
Crazy Lady: I called you a couple of months ago because I had rescued a baby raccoon, and now that it's older, I'm ready to give it to you. Do you remember me?
Me: Yes, I do. You were supposed to call me to let me know when you wanted to come over one weekend. I called and left a lot of messages for you, but you never called back.
Crazy Lady: Yeah, my daughter didn't tell me you had left messages, but then she told me you did, but I wasn't ready to give the raccoon to you yet. She was still so young, but now she's older and I'm afraid she likes humans too much.
Me: Well, I've got plenty of raccoons, so I'm sure she'll wild up after a few weeks with the others.
Crazy Lady: She's been playing with my cat a lot, so I think maybe she thinks she's a cat?
Me: ...
Crazy Lady: I didn't want you to take her when she was really little because I was worried that you'd kill her. I heard through the grapevine that you kill raccoons...
Me: Are you sure that's me and not someone else?
Crazy Lady: Yes.
Me: Okay. *Note: I do not believe, nor care, what this crazy lady thinks of me. I just want the raccoon out of her hands.*
Crazy Lady: I just didn't want to give her to you if you were going to kill her.
Me: But you're going to give her to me now, then?! When we spoke the first time, I gave you my website address. Did you check out my website?
Crazy Lady: Yes, I did. But to be honest, anyone can slap up a website and pretend that they're a professional.
Me: ...
Crazy Lady: And I just don't trust anyone. I know this sounds crazy, but just because you have a website doesn't mean you don't kill them.
Me: Yes, it sounds crazy. That's because it's coming from you, and you are crazy. Okay.
Crazy Lady: So how do you want to do this? Want me to come out to you, or we can meet somewhere?
Me: Hell no I'm not telling you where I live. How about I come to your house? I'm picking up a baby fox in your area this afternoon, so it won't be much trouble for me to swing by after that.
Crazy Lady: Okay. *Gives me her address*
Me: Thanks. I'll call you when I'm headed in your direction! In case she decides not to give me the raccoon, now I've got her address to turn over to DNR!
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eohartman

January 2015

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