eohartman: (Default)
[personal profile] eohartman
This just a short snippet of some of the wildlife phone calls I've had recently. My thoughts are in Italics.

Woman: Hi, I have a mother raccoon and four babies that are in my yard.
Me: ...*Waiting to hear the problem*
Woman: I need them removed from my yard.
Me: Why?
Woman: I don't want them to live there.
Me: Well, raccoons are wild animals and as such, they live in nature. Your backyard is part of nature.
Woman: I know that's your belief because you take care of them, but I really do not want them in my yard.
Me: ...


My phone rings this morning and the number pops up as "Crazy Lady Who Wants to Interview Me." This was the woman who called me back in April and wanted to come out that weekend and inspect my facilities before she handed over the raccoon that she rescued. She never called back. I left 6 messages for her over the next two weeks, but none were returned.

Crazy Lady: Hi, I need to place a raccoon. Do you still do that?
Me: Yes.
Crazy Lady: I called you a couple of months ago because I had rescued a baby raccoon, and now that it's older, I'm ready to give it to you. Do you remember me?
Me: Yes, I do. You were supposed to call me to let me know when you wanted to come over one weekend. I called and left a lot of messages for you, but you never called back.
Crazy Lady: Yeah, my daughter didn't tell me you had left messages, but then she told me you did, but I wasn't ready to give the raccoon to you yet. She was still so young, but now she's older and I'm afraid she likes humans too much.
Me: Well, I've got plenty of raccoons, so I'm sure she'll wild up after a few weeks with the others.
Crazy Lady: She's been playing with my cat a lot, so I think maybe she thinks she's a cat?
Me: ...
Crazy Lady: I didn't want you to take her when she was really little because I was worried that you'd kill her. I heard through the grapevine that you kill raccoons...
Me: Are you sure that's me and not someone else?
Crazy Lady: Yes.
Me: Okay. *Note: I do not believe, nor care, what this crazy lady thinks of me. I just want the raccoon out of her hands.*
Crazy Lady: I just didn't want to give her to you if you were going to kill her.
Me: But you're going to give her to me now, then?! When we spoke the first time, I gave you my website address. Did you check out my website?
Crazy Lady: Yes, I did. But to be honest, anyone can slap up a website and pretend that they're a professional.
Me: ...
Crazy Lady: And I just don't trust anyone. I know this sounds crazy, but just because you have a website doesn't mean you don't kill them.
Me: Yes, it sounds crazy. That's because it's coming from you, and you are crazy. Okay.
Crazy Lady: So how do you want to do this? Want me to come out to you, or we can meet somewhere?
Me: Hell no I'm not telling you where I live. How about I come to your house? I'm picking up a baby fox in your area this afternoon, so it won't be much trouble for me to swing by after that.
Crazy Lady: Okay. *Gives me her address*
Me: Thanks. I'll call you when I'm headed in your direction! In case she decides not to give me the raccoon, now I've got her address to turn over to DNR!

Date: 2011-06-17 03:43 pm (UTC)
agonistes: (shenanigans)
From: [personal profile] agonistes

What is WRONG with people?

Date: 2011-06-17 03:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lizzie.livejournal.com
More than I am qualified to diagnose.

Date: 2011-06-17 03:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chapstickqueen.livejournal.com
Ridiculous! Both of them!

Date: 2011-06-17 04:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lizzie.livejournal.com
Indeed. Instead of killing raccoons, maybe I should kill people? ;-)

Date: 2011-06-17 03:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sailorgarnet.livejournal.com
Me: Well, raccoons are wild animals and as such, they live in nature. Your backyard is part of nature.
Woman: I know that's your belief because you take care of them, but I really do not want them in my yard.

um...does she think A) that her backyard (aka outside) is not nature? Or B) that raccoons are not wild animals? How are those facts "beliefs"?

Also: Crazy lady is crazy and I want to report her anyway!

Date: 2011-06-17 04:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lizzie.livejournal.com
I think she believes that her backyard is not nature. It is HER backyard, not the raccoons' backyard!

Date: 2011-06-17 04:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lizzie.livejournal.com
I may report Crazy Lady after I get the raccoon from her. I'm not sure, but I think she'd incur a fine even if she no longer has the animal in her possession.

Date: 2011-06-17 05:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cme2694.livejournal.com
I can just imagine her thinking, "But it has a fence around it! That means it's mine and not natures! "

Date: 2011-06-17 05:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lizzie.livejournal.com
I think that really is what she was thinking. She was probably one sentence away from saying "BUT MY NAME IS ON THIS MORTGAGE, NOT THE RACCOONS!"

Date: 2011-06-17 04:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] slloyd.livejournal.com
I'm sorry but the second conversation made me lol.

The first one confused me. How big is an average back yard? What's ideal conditions for a raccoon?

Date: 2011-06-17 04:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lizzie.livejournal.com
Her backyard is big enough to have a swimming pool and a BBQ/patio, so I think it's fairly large. Judging by the conversation I had with her, I'd say it's probably an acre or so. Raccoons are very adaptable and it's not uncommon for them to live in around people's houses (ie, in their yards/nearby woods/etc.).

Date: 2011-06-17 04:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] slloyd.livejournal.com
So adaptable that they can become cats, apparently.

An acre sounds like an awful lot of land! our back yard is about 10 yards x 12 yards. lol

Date: 2011-06-17 04:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lizzie.livejournal.com
*snort* If this raccoon starts meowing, we're going to have serious problems.

An acre is large, even for this area, but given her description, that's what I'd estimate it as. I think most people have 1/4 acre for a yard. That's what most of the houses around here that are for sale advertise, at least.

Date: 2011-06-17 04:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] slloyd.livejournal.com
Still sounds a lot. *jealous*! If I owned that much land I'd own half of the next street!

Date: 2011-06-17 04:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lizzie.livejournal.com
Your country is more compact than mine. lol I've always been astounded at the close proximity of the houses in your area!

Date: 2011-06-17 04:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] slloyd.livejournal.com
I'm still trying to get my head around 1/4 acre of land and how far it would stretch to. What would I do with so much land? I feel like I'd have to be a farmer!

Date: 2011-06-17 04:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] silvenwolf.livejournal.com
How are you not absolutely insane yet?

I applaud your patience. I certainly wouldn't have the same with someone telling me that I kill animals. Sigh.

Date: 2011-06-17 04:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lizzie.livejournal.com
Ah, you assume I haven't gone insane yet. ;-)

Thanks! I think I'd care about her statement if it would affect my reputation or if I actually believed it to be a serious rumor that another rehabber is spreading (in which case, I'd like to know who it was and why they have these concerns!). But this is the first I've heard such a rumor, so I'm just going under the assumption that she made it up in order to spend more time with her new "pet" raccoon.

Date: 2011-06-23 03:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] silvenwolf.livejournal.com
LOL... I think you have maybe a shred of sanity or two left. :)

People are a little messed up in the head when it comes to being attached to something furry. You should count me in as I own two cats; but that was because I decided to 'catsit' both my boys one day from a friend and eventually she had a baby... and eventually they became mine.

Still though, pet raccoon 'shakes head' I don't understand some people.

Date: 2011-06-17 04:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] enogitna.livejournal.com
Wow, after reading about your conversation with Crazy Lady, your endless patience with the twits on Wedding Plans makes more sense.

Date: 2011-06-17 04:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blueirisheyez.livejournal.com
So very much this!

Date: 2011-06-17 04:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lizzie.livejournal.com
Ha! I have to exercise patience on a daily basis in both my RL and my e-life, sadly.

Date: 2011-06-17 05:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eightydollsyell.livejournal.com
This is why you are a better person than I am :)

Date: 2011-06-17 05:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lizzie.livejournal.com
Psh. Just because I have patience with people "out loud" doesn't mean that I don't curse them behind their backs. Or bitch about them on the internet. ;-)

Date: 2011-06-18 04:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lizzie.livejournal.com
It got SO much worse when I went to her house this afternoon. Read about it here.

Date: 2011-06-17 06:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dustinhartman.livejournal.com
This made me laugh...then i realized you are going to go and see crazy lady in my truck....if she shoots my truck with an RPG I WILL CUT YOU!

Date: 2011-06-17 06:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lizzie.livejournal.com
I was strongly considering switching out cars with you this afternoon because my car has a door lock that works. I don't want this crazy bitch clamoring into the truck to get her raccoon back.

Date: 2011-06-17 06:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dustinhartman.livejournal.com
There are two axes in the back seat and if you decide to run her over back hit her with the left side, that has the big hook on it

Date: 2011-06-17 06:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dustinhartman.livejournal.com
Also, for the record, my doors have no problems locking, just unlocking, so you are only in trouble if she gets IN the truck...however, i thought about that. In the center console their is a escape hammer, you cut hit that bitch in the head...PLUS it glows in the dark, so if she traps you in a tunnel you can still find it!

Date: 2011-06-18 04:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lizzie.livejournal.com
Given the fact that she JUMPED ON TOP OF YOUR TRUCK AND BANGED ON THE WINDSHIELD, this thread is no longer as amusing as it once was.

Date: 2011-06-17 06:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] doraphilia.livejournal.com

Ive been meaning to talk to you about the squirrels on my block. Can you do somethig about that for me please?

Date: 2011-06-18 01:54 am (UTC)

Date: 2011-06-18 01:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] somni-phobia.livejournal.com
"I heard you kill raccoons"
And you're calling back!?

Date: 2011-06-18 04:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lizzie.livejournal.com
Apparently I only kill the small ones?

It got so much worse when I went out there. She seriously jumped on the hood of the car in order to prevent me from leaving with her raccoon (after I told her that if it showed any neurological symptoms, I'd euthanize it and send it off for rabies testing because there were MANY exposures since she let her kids play with it for two months). Read here: http://lizzie9208.livejournal.com/727025.html


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